Siriusly Sexy
by evilrandomness
Summary: Padfoot gets his picture in a homosexual magazine. He doesn't think he'll be found out, but little does he know it, someone close to him is reading the magazine. Rated for later chapters and possible swearing. SIRIUS IS NOT GAY! CRAP TITLE BUT YEAH....
1. Chapter 1

'Guys, get your picture in S.W.W.,' read the ad at the corner of the page. But Sirius did not notice; just sighed, and turned to the next page of Sexy Wizards for Wizards, a magazine that was usually read by those who were a little queer. That excluded Padfoot, of course.

'Hey Padfoot, what've you got there?' asked Wormtail from a beanbag in the corner of the common room.

'Umm… N-nothing… Yes, nothing!' Sirius replied feebly. 'Look, I'm getting tired. See you.'

Padfoot hurried to the dorms, while Moony whispered, 'it's not at _all _like Padfoot to be so secretive. Something must be up.'

That night, all Padfoot could think of was his small stash of money. His parents were going on a round the world cruise soon, so he was not receiving any money. And he needed some to get Eleesa a present. His thoughts flickered back to the ad. _No, it's not that necessary. I don't want a photo of me naked in S.W.W. But then, do I have a choice? What if somebody reads it? Well… I guess it can't do much harm. Fine, Mr. Brain! I'll get my picture in there tomorrow! You got yourself a deal!_ And with that thought, Padfoot fell asleep.

……………………

Next morning, Sirius awoke to the sound of Peter's snoring. Wormtail was a tubby kid, and he had never quite been as close to him as Prongs or Moony. He hadn't seen Prongs lately, as he was always out with Lily Evans. _I know they should be together, but 24/7? Uggh…_

Looking at the clock, he released that it was time for Transfiguration, and he was late.

Finally appearing at Transfiguration, he found the room in silence.

'…and so, the Liviatus Charm can be useful in providing water in the desert… Oh, Mr Black, late are we?' asked McGonagall. She had been appointed at the beginning of the year, after Dumbledore had been appointed as Headmaster.

'Yes, I am sorry Minnie. And have you got a new haircut? It makes you look so much younger,' Sirius replied with that charm that had all the girls drooling.

'It is a new haircut, thankyou. Sit down and open your textbook to page 117.' And so, the talented Mr Sirius Black managed to avoid house points from Gryffindor.

A little way into the lesson, Sirius was passed a note from behind him. Back down the aisle, Prongs was smiling. He read the note and grinned.

_**Padfoot. Malfoy is screaming with rage that you got off. Nice work there. Might try it on Green.** _Green was the Herbology teacher. **_Going to Hogsmeade tonight with Lily. She doesn't approve of it, but that's okay. I'm gonna need the map._**

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Thanks for reading! Know it was short, but I hadn't planned it, so I'm doing it step-by-step. Next chapter, Sirius goes to the S.W.W headquarters, and James' date.


	2. Sorry Guys! AN

Sorry guys! My laptop is in getting fixed, and shows no signs of finishing getting fixed any time soon. My second chapter is on there, and I will not be able to update till I get it back. I don't think I'm supposed to write author's notes chappies, but it's necessary. I said I'd update soon, and I'm sorry. I'm even slower then the author of 'Fly me to the moon', pratty-prongs-princesse, who writes long chapters. Expect a longer chappie, but not soon.

Have a good hols, Sharn.


	3. Chapter 3

After class, Sirius met with James to discuss Quidditch, Lily, and the rumours about Amos Diggory's sexuality.

'So you really think he pashed Matt Chang?' Prongs asked interested.

'Course. They keep ducking into corners all the time, and something's bound to happen sometime. And Matt was in the corridors after dark two nights ago,' I replied. It was a matter I had discussed many times.

'Yeah, I guess… Dunno. Diggory doesn't seem like the type. Chang does, though.'

'Hey Prongs, when is our next Quidditch practise? I haven't seen any notices on the pin-up board.'

'Well… I haven't had the time to think about Quidditch, coz of Lily. But it should be Thursday night. I'll post the note soon.'

Having given Prongs the cloak, Sirius left for the dorms. On the way, he was remembered that he needed to buy a Christmas present for Stephania and his friends, but he didn't have any money.

Fuck. I shouldn't've given James the cloak. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now I'll have to sneak out to Hogsmeade without it. Fuck! How am I going to get to the S.W.W. office unnoticed?

-x-

**SIRIUS' POV OF THE NIGHT**

'Black, Sirius,' called the receptionist. Reluctantly, Sirius got up and entered the room the receptionist was pointing to.

'Ahh… Sirius. Hello!' A man who was seated in a zebra lounge in the far corner got up to meet Sirius. He was dressed in tight wizarding clothes, and a purple cloak.

'Yes. Hello,' Sirius replied quickly, feeling very uncomfortable, as the man grabbed him and kissed him on both cheeks. Having filled out his forms beforehand, Sirius handed them to the man.

'What's the matter? Oh, of course! I've forgotten to introduce myself. I'm Jason Darringo. Now, tell me a bit about yourself. Why are you here? What sort of shots do you want to do?'

'I'm, I'm Sirius. I'm here b-because I n-n-need the money. I'm… not too bothered… what type of shots we do.'

'Don't be so nervous boy! There's nothing to worry about. I'll just show you a few photos, and you can pick the style you like.'

Darringo proceeded to show Padfoot through a corridor, in which the walls were lined with photo frames. Sirius noticed that all of them were nude males, and thought, _now I _know_ this is a bad idea._

'So what do you like?' Darringo asked.

'Umm…' There was nothing Sirius actually liked, but one wasn't _as_ bad. It included a man, lying sideways, but somehow arranged so that nothing 'private' could be seen.

'That one.'

'I like that one myself. I'm sure you'd look great in it too. Of course, the position would be _slightly _different. We don't want the readers thinking we're unoriginal do we?'

'No of course not,' answered Sirius, though slightly worried of what the change would be.

'When would you like to start the shot? We could do it now, or arrange another time. Whatever is good with you,' said Jason.

'If it would be alright, Friday.' Sirius couldn't do tomorrow, Thursday, because of Quidditch training, but he supposed that he could make a getaway on Friday.

'Sure, just talk to the receptionist when you leave.'

Sirius left the room, and arranged the shoot with the receptionist, who looked at him strangely, and left.

Once outside, Sirius hurried back along the path, lucky to see anybody along the way.

-x-

**JAMES' POV OF THE NIGHT**

At 6.00, James had started preparing. He was trying really hard to impress Lily, and had even attempted to flatten his wild hair, without much success. He was dressed in jeans, and a black tailored shirt. Smart casual, was what he'd told Lily.

He was having dinner at the Witch's Cauldron Café Restaurant, and then going to the Wicked Sisters concert, which James' dad had managed to get through the Ministry, in which he was an important to the Accidental Magic Outbreaks Dept.

After putting on some shoes, brushing his teeth thoroughly, and stuffing the Marauder's Map and the Invisibility cloak into his pocket, James crept out into the empty common room. After five minutes, Lily closed her dorm door and walked down the stairs. She looked beautiful, wearing a silk halter top with jeans, her hair left down, looking natural. Surprisingly, she had kept with the dress-code, though she looked stunning all the same.

'Put them in my bag,' muttered Lily under her breath when she had reached the bottom of the stairs. James shook his head, and they walked out to the common room, where they put on the cloak.

They passed through the hallways, most of the portraits asleep, but some watching them suspiciously. When they got to the gate, James whistled, and a horse walked towards them.

'Wow…' was all Lily could say. The mare was beautiful, with sleek black hair, and dark eyes. James helped Lily get onto the horse, and it became apparent that Lily was the only one who knew how to ride her. It would have been pretty funny, if it wasn't himself almost falling off the horse. It didn't help that there was no saddle to sit on, as the horse was bare backed.

After clutching tightly to Lily for half an hour, they reach the restaurant, where Lily gave the horse an apple she found in her bag, and signalled it goodbye. James and Lily walked up to the Witch's Cauldron alone, being careful to make sure there was no one who knew them there. There wasn't.

They sat down to the table and a waiter came over with a menu, and took their orders for drinks (a bottle of wine).

'Sooooo…' Lily said, finding something to say. Now she was here, it was a lot harder than she was expecting. She had a lot of things that she could say, but she didn't want to put James off.

'How's Tuna?' asked James, starting off some conversation.

'Oh, the same as usual.' Lily laughed at herself. James knew what Petunia was like, and they often joked about it. 'Still dating that Vernon too.'

'Seriously? Don't you think that with that lovely long, horse-like neck and face of hers', she could be fetching better men?' Lily and James cracked up at this.

'Well if you find her so fetching, why don't you date her? Ahem?'

'Because right now, I am dating you. And what don't you date her?' James retaliated.

'Ummm… let me think. Because I'm her sister, and I don't go for girls either.'

'Oh. Yeah, I think I forgot about that.'

They started chatting, and were soon so into the conversation, that the waiter had to cough about ten times to get their attention.

'Here's your wine,' he said, placing it in the middle of the table. 'And what would you like for dinner?'

James ordered steak with garlic and mushroom, and Lily ordered Penne Marciana, which was pasta with a garlic, ham and tomato sauce.

-x-

**Sorry to leave all of you at a cliffie, but I hadn't written any for ages, and I decided that some was better than none! Maybe if I get enough reviews I'll feel inspired to right more. wink**


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